i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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