sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
