you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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