Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
