I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
