is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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