just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
