You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
