Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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