Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
it's like iHOP with fire
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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