Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
i now understand why vodka
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
