there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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