you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
