Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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