sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I could make wine with my vomit
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
