My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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