I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
