Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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