you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Bring me that man meat
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
