Buhtt sex?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
