I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
