ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
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