The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
