his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
This baby is an asshole
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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