i wish my penis had a tongue
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize