Whats the glycemic index on semen?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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