I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
