Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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