Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
