I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
