THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize