dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I love having hate sex.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
