Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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