i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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