The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
