A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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