I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
