Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
