don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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