does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
