We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
