good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
