I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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