I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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