Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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