I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Randomize
