Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
