Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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