the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
