Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize