kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
