Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
