Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
