Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
