Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
