if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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