giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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