just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize