watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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