Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
