He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
