I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I love you. Go after that dick
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize