Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
