also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
