On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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