I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She announced her abortion via fbk
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
