She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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