Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
