I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
