I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize