A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
