So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
