Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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