my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
