you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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