I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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