Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
