took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
