this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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